Dreams and questions.

This week has been hard I stopped drinking caffiene. I woke up today day 3 of no caffiene and my headache is gone I have only taken a little of advil because I am suppose to not take much of that either.

I think I am over the caffiene woohoo but then again it is only  day 3 but hey if I can go 3 weeks it is no longer an addicition I just need to stay away from the temptation.

Without caffiene you think I would sleep I am exhausted and want to sleep but my mind does not shut off I have weird dreams lately that make no sense my last two dreams have been in color which is a step up from my black and white normal dreams.

I am going to dream log for post just this time unless another dream comes along worth blogging
I had a dream before my ultrasound last week I must have been stressed about the ultrasound or it was on my mind alot.

Dream:

I walked into the OB office and it was like any other doctor office waiting chairs and a T.V the ultrasound tech checked me and told me to go down the hall to the restroom and change into a gown. I opened the door to the restroom and it was a strip club I changed my clothes into the gown in front of everyone and I opened the door and I was back in the OB office I went to the room I was getting the ultrasound in and the tech was in the room and she said take this pill it will make you sleepy I told her I have done a ultrasound before and I have not done this she said "we make improvements on your body if necessary" I told her that I did not have the $50.00 so I should go get it from my car she told me to just send it in by mail at this time as I turned for the door .

I realized that there was another patient in the room on a bed and she just had surgery she was not wearing anything and she just had surgery on her breast for enlargements but it looked like a chop job around her breast. The patient started waking up and she was screaming and sitting up and the tech ran over to her and went to strap her down and than I woke up from my dream. 

Second dream:
This one happened last night 

My mom and I was walking home from a store and it felt like I was walking forever we finally saw her friend Sandy in a yellow jeep my mom stated let's go talk to her so we walked over to the jeep and my mom jumped into the front seat but there was no back seat at all for me to sit I told her I would just jump into the little trunk part and Sandy told me no and my mom said well just hold onto my seat as we drive and we will keep the door open they both seemed okay with that idea and my mom kept telling me it will build arm muscle.

Some how in my dream I ended up in the back seat of the jeep and it was a very small area all of these puppies where around and my mom's friend said to hold them so they don't fall out I was in a panic because there was so many puppies that I could not hold them but they would not help me hold the puppies.... and then I woke up.


Dreams are interesting to me sometimes.


I start my stimulation shots today so this IVF process I am doing to shots a day one of Lupron and the other of the stimulation I figured out what Lupron does it makes it so when I start stimulation shots that it groups my follicules together so it makes it easier for them to complete egg retrevial.

So today is the day that I start becoming like a grape vine is the best way to describe it the stimulation make you produce multiple follicules. So cheers to grape vines.

I kind of have to admit I know why I did not want to share this journey the reason being is that I did not want to know the what if's for example: "What if it does not work" asked by a handful and foot full of people or "What if you do not produce any follicules", What if during the petry dish stage they all die off and you cannot implant one", and my favorite question because I would love if it came true "What if you have multiples" the last question is my favorite it gives me hope the other ones make me want to bury my head in the sand and never come out. All I can say back to all of these questions is "What if it works" I decided these questions need to be asked by people these questions need to be confronted and the reason why is I need all the preperation I can get I think if I kept this quite I would not have thought that maybe they will die off and I will have no embryos to transfer or what if my ovaries decide not to produce but the question I try to focus on now is "What if it works."

The reason being is that I beleive in positive reinforcement. I watched my grandma pass away battling cancer may I say not one time did I ever doubt her thought of she can beat cancer. The reason why is because her attitude told me she would beat this and may I state that she was the strongest woman to fight this battle she lived daily life she breathed in every breath of air she smiled at every person and she went to Echo lake when she started treatements for cancer I would have never guessed that she had cancer she wore her hair piece and would give it to my younger brother to wear she would go to the hotels in the city or near by our houses and we would stay there and swim and have fun.
What got us through it laughter and normal life she kept life normal as can be. My grandma has taught me to live life without the "What ifs" just keep on truckin when times get rough.

I will make it through this either with a smile or the attitude of I need to keep on truckin.