Sorry I have not posted since the date but on May 17th Jason and I went in to get my blood drawn we came back to the house sat around and got the news at about 10:30-10:40 A.M from my cute nurse Jennifer that my beta looks very well at 368 so I am positive I did not know what to hear after I cried I went downstairs shaking to let my cute supportive husband know the news he just looked at my and thumbs up cry or thumbs down I motioned back up.
I just started to say thank you never felt so releived in my life I could not concentrate on the other instructions she gave me but that it worked.
I got off the phone and asked Jason who have you told since I saw his fingers typing like mad on text he said well I told the most four important people thats when he probably knew he should have let me at least tell my mom he said well if you call her quick enough she might not read the text so the calling began.
EXCITING DAY!!!
The days to follow I have been trying to grasp everything I heard I am going to be a Mommy and Jason a Daddy. The next day I wanted to be pinched but I started to realize it when I started to gag in the morning that day.
The What if's where setting in the scary what ifs miscarriage am I going to keep going up on my beta hcg cause they do two test protocal on every pregnant patient so I have another one just to make sure my estrogen and progestrone are fine.
I spoke with my embryologist doctor and he called me on Thursday said well I heard the positive news congratulations and this is when he told me he would not worry about a miscarriage because my levels where so high and good that he thought that I should be safe because I asked about the second hcg test because it bothered me a little that next week I have to do it again and what are the chances of it going down he assured me that I have a high hcg so it should be fine he would not guess that a miscarriage would happen. He told me I am 4 weeks and a couple of days along my due date is Jan 23 and that he wants me to call him once I get the results of one or two because he said that hcg levels are so weird but the chances of twins and he wants to know the results.
My IVF doctors follow me until week 6 and than after that I go to my OBGYN crazy well it is all real and we are starting to all hope for healthy baby(ies).
Bring on the pregnancy symptoms a long journey that I have waited for!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Great News tomorrow will be exciting news!
So I thought I would not post anything but I decided this was such a cool and great news that I had to share so this is how my morning started out today after I got ready I decided to hit my knees well not my knees because my stomach feels like I have done 5,000 sit ups.
You get the point I decided that today I needed to be comforted so I said a prayer I asked that Jason and I have comfort and know that this is the correct decision and to help me understand either way the decision tomorrow and help me be comforted and understand my body and to know that everything does not need to be planned out that a solution will present it self... followed by tears during this whole spill I asked grandma Nancy, Papa, and my little brother Corbin to let me know that they are helping me out with this and to know that I want to be a mom.
After saying a prayer I felt like I wanted the comfort right then I know you have to wait all good things come to those who wait so I breathed in and let the tears out.
I went to work thinking this is the longest day of my life well maybe the second longest day of my life. I text my husband and told him to call CFP about the charges that we received and I got great news they over charged us so they gave a credit back. Jason got to talk to a embryologist since we have not heard about the other ones Jason and I came to a decision they did not make it so zero to freeze.
Let me go back to last night Sunday night conversation with Jason:
Me: I need a plan B Jason I need to know if it is negative what are we going to do?
Jason: I am not thinking about another plan this is going to work so we are not even talking about another plan until we have to
Me: Jason you know I need a plan B this is what is stressful what if it does not work or works I want another chance to have kids I need a plan B
Jason: We will discuss it when we have to
Me: I gave up ( shocking I know usually I am very adimit about the answer to my liking)
About 2:00 I get a text saying guess what they over charged us which they are giving us a credit back and that we have two embies that are frozen. It took me awhile I wanted to cry plan B presented it self. I am not sure if most of you know if it does not work this first time and I have not embies to freeze than I would have to pay the same price all over again alot of money. But a frozen cycle is cheaper by alot like only 2000.00 maybe 3000.00. I was so excited that I told everyone that was at work with me downstairs.
If I did not mention in the previous posts my embryologist told me during transfer that we have two that the doctor wants him to follow he has little hope for the second one to make it to day five but hope for the other one.
We heard nothing so thought that we did not have any to freeze. Well my second one caught on and split it was only at two cells and needed to be at eight by day five this is truly amazing. I can see how couples get attached to the embies and want to use them all because when I find out tomorrow that I am pregnant in another year all of you will be back to read this.
The power of prayer thank you little brother Corbin thinking of you durin this month of May knowing that your birthday is May 23rd and hoping I can bring another exciting thing to May for our family we miss you tons and love you lots wish I could have had another brother to bother and pest but don't you worry I will do that someday when we meet again.
Thank You Papa I miss you tons I wish I still was able to run into the bedroom and be the first grand child to give you a hug for that magical dollar. I know you are with me at this time love you tons and miss you like crazy.
Thank You Grandma Nancy the one that taught me how to roll with the punches roll with what life gives you it has taken me time to realize this but I remember when you fought cancer like you are winning the battle of your life. You taught me to smile with a barf bucket and still be picture ready. Love you ton and miss you like crazy as well.
Tons of more people that have passed on that is telling my little ones right now that they will be loved more than they can imagine. I was just thinking I would have a hard time coming to earth if I had to leave such awesome people like them in heaven Corbin has hopefully taught my children strength to fight, Papa has taught my kids that they will be part indian and they can make cool indian noises around the house with pots and pans and how to love deeply, Grandma Nancy has probably told my kids not to worry that the water winnie is fun to ride at the lake and to hold on tight and remember when at Echo lake she will be there with them with her arms around them. Grandpa Lyon I am sure is teaching them how to love from their heart. Grandma Bradbury is hopefully teaching them manners so when they come down they will be very well behaved and also how to love as well.
I am not so worried about the outcome anymore this is out of my hands thanks for answered prayers and maybe not right away maybe just patience pays off.
You get the point I decided that today I needed to be comforted so I said a prayer I asked that Jason and I have comfort and know that this is the correct decision and to help me understand either way the decision tomorrow and help me be comforted and understand my body and to know that everything does not need to be planned out that a solution will present it self... followed by tears during this whole spill I asked grandma Nancy, Papa, and my little brother Corbin to let me know that they are helping me out with this and to know that I want to be a mom.
After saying a prayer I felt like I wanted the comfort right then I know you have to wait all good things come to those who wait so I breathed in and let the tears out.
I went to work thinking this is the longest day of my life well maybe the second longest day of my life. I text my husband and told him to call CFP about the charges that we received and I got great news they over charged us so they gave a credit back. Jason got to talk to a embryologist since we have not heard about the other ones Jason and I came to a decision they did not make it so zero to freeze.
Let me go back to last night Sunday night conversation with Jason:
Me: I need a plan B Jason I need to know if it is negative what are we going to do?
Jason: I am not thinking about another plan this is going to work so we are not even talking about another plan until we have to
Me: Jason you know I need a plan B this is what is stressful what if it does not work or works I want another chance to have kids I need a plan B
Jason: We will discuss it when we have to
Me: I gave up ( shocking I know usually I am very adimit about the answer to my liking)
About 2:00 I get a text saying guess what they over charged us which they are giving us a credit back and that we have two embies that are frozen. It took me awhile I wanted to cry plan B presented it self. I am not sure if most of you know if it does not work this first time and I have not embies to freeze than I would have to pay the same price all over again alot of money. But a frozen cycle is cheaper by alot like only 2000.00 maybe 3000.00. I was so excited that I told everyone that was at work with me downstairs.
If I did not mention in the previous posts my embryologist told me during transfer that we have two that the doctor wants him to follow he has little hope for the second one to make it to day five but hope for the other one.
We heard nothing so thought that we did not have any to freeze. Well my second one caught on and split it was only at two cells and needed to be at eight by day five this is truly amazing. I can see how couples get attached to the embies and want to use them all because when I find out tomorrow that I am pregnant in another year all of you will be back to read this.
The power of prayer thank you little brother Corbin thinking of you durin this month of May knowing that your birthday is May 23rd and hoping I can bring another exciting thing to May for our family we miss you tons and love you lots wish I could have had another brother to bother and pest but don't you worry I will do that someday when we meet again.
Thank You Papa I miss you tons I wish I still was able to run into the bedroom and be the first grand child to give you a hug for that magical dollar. I know you are with me at this time love you tons and miss you like crazy.
Thank You Grandma Nancy the one that taught me how to roll with the punches roll with what life gives you it has taken me time to realize this but I remember when you fought cancer like you are winning the battle of your life. You taught me to smile with a barf bucket and still be picture ready. Love you ton and miss you like crazy as well.
Tons of more people that have passed on that is telling my little ones right now that they will be loved more than they can imagine. I was just thinking I would have a hard time coming to earth if I had to leave such awesome people like them in heaven Corbin has hopefully taught my children strength to fight, Papa has taught my kids that they will be part indian and they can make cool indian noises around the house with pots and pans and how to love deeply, Grandma Nancy has probably told my kids not to worry that the water winnie is fun to ride at the lake and to hold on tight and remember when at Echo lake she will be there with them with her arms around them. Grandpa Lyon I am sure is teaching them how to love from their heart. Grandma Bradbury is hopefully teaching them manners so when they come down they will be very well behaved and also how to love as well.
I am not so worried about the outcome anymore this is out of my hands thanks for answered prayers and maybe not right away maybe just patience pays off.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
2 1/2 days until we find out 2ww almost over
It has been awhile since I posted so I thought that I would post once again before the news comes in. Our two week wait is almost over we are down to 2 1/2 days we find out on Tuesday.
It is funny I have been reading on the computer which I should not be what is the symptoms 9dpt dpt=days past transfer. It is so hard to read your body when you have not gone through the experience quite yet so I do not know what to expect plus the medicine that you are on during in vitro are the same effect as if you are pregnant.
Gagging does happen but the trend I see in this is when I change my estridol patch not sure why it may be more of a surge of estrogen that day. Sore boobs are side effect from progestrone, dry mouth is as well, upset stomach same, tiredness is effects from progestrone.
All I know is that I want to eat spagetthi every night and have since transfer except for two days.
I was kind of sticker shock when I saw the final total of our bill $8250.00 not including medicine or anesthesia and I made a pre pay of some $ before hand so the total bill was about $10,250.00 and the anesthesia was $300.00 and medicine was $2500.00. I think that everyone should write the legislature of Utah and let them know that this needs to be covered under medical insurance and this is not including my lab work which will be about another $200.00 it is worth it but this is all my money into this so I am playing a gamble right now.
Knowing that you invested all of your money into this makes you hope for it to work or what will you do if not? You will have to start all over again everyone tells me not to worry until that time comes and we will figure out a solution but who is to kid it is in the back of your mind when you go through a procedure like this.
I think insurance companies should help families that have infertility issues. They help others have lap band and gastric bypass what is different infertility is emotionally wearing on a woman and man it is draining it should be covered. I know some companies offer it for the employees but the majority of companies do not it is a small amount. I guess the good thing is that we can use this as a deduction during taxes this year so we might not owe for once in our lives and we might be able to get this paid off quicker with a tax refund.
It is a hard road the horrible dreams I have been having miscarriages I wake up and go to the restroom to make sure that one did not happen even thought I am not sure if I am pregnant. I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking how much I want this to work they are happy and just emotional tears I actually wait till my husband is a sleep because I do not want to stress him out but it is just a way for me to be myself and feel all that I need to during this time.
It is all about your support system not wanting someone to say " I know what you are going through" for someone to say " I am here for you and I am not sure what you are going through but I will help you."
I have a sweet girlfriend Melissa she knew I was having a hard day on Thursday and she took me to get a pedicure the best remedy I could ask for the day she knows how to make my day better. It is family that is there for you during the adventure. It s cute couples like Ashley and Spencer very good friends that will bring us over food for dinner and will listen to me talk even if I repeated myself a ton of times it is the calming affect that Ashley has on me when she listens and speaks.
My younger brother Iszac Lacrosse moms they are amazing they have been there and helped me understand the process of in vitro and they have prayed for my husband and I it is complete strangers right now reading this praying for our sucess in the journey. It is the plato girls in draper saying hi. It is my sisters telling me that they have had dreams about me being pregnant it is the sister that is always there with her sixth sense and she just knows it is our time it is the twin sisters just being supportive and making cute comments on my facebook. It is both mother and father on both sides there for us no matter what. Same with all of the family and friends.
This journey has taught me patience it has taught me that it is not on my time it is on someone elses time it has taught me I cannot compare myself to any other woman out there my body might be different my symptoms might not be text book nothing is in writting and nothing is ever guaranteed it has taught me to have faith in my self and others. It has taught me it is okay to have a dirty house during this time because I have not cleaned for two weeks and lets face it when a "Woman is down the husbands cleaning just is not the same".
It has taught me to open up to let others into my journey it has taught me to learn from others advice or even sometimes disreard others advice that is not so nice it has taught me to be okay with who I am and if this is my only trial through life I am thankful I have thought of the hardest trial kids with terminal illness, cancer patients, and all other illnesses that are out there. I am lucky to just have the issue of infertility because it can be beat with the right attitude and we will have a family soon.
It is funny I have been reading on the computer which I should not be what is the symptoms 9dpt dpt=days past transfer. It is so hard to read your body when you have not gone through the experience quite yet so I do not know what to expect plus the medicine that you are on during in vitro are the same effect as if you are pregnant.
Gagging does happen but the trend I see in this is when I change my estridol patch not sure why it may be more of a surge of estrogen that day. Sore boobs are side effect from progestrone, dry mouth is as well, upset stomach same, tiredness is effects from progestrone.
All I know is that I want to eat spagetthi every night and have since transfer except for two days.
I was kind of sticker shock when I saw the final total of our bill $8250.00 not including medicine or anesthesia and I made a pre pay of some $ before hand so the total bill was about $10,250.00 and the anesthesia was $300.00 and medicine was $2500.00. I think that everyone should write the legislature of Utah and let them know that this needs to be covered under medical insurance and this is not including my lab work which will be about another $200.00 it is worth it but this is all my money into this so I am playing a gamble right now.
Knowing that you invested all of your money into this makes you hope for it to work or what will you do if not? You will have to start all over again everyone tells me not to worry until that time comes and we will figure out a solution but who is to kid it is in the back of your mind when you go through a procedure like this.
I think insurance companies should help families that have infertility issues. They help others have lap band and gastric bypass what is different infertility is emotionally wearing on a woman and man it is draining it should be covered. I know some companies offer it for the employees but the majority of companies do not it is a small amount. I guess the good thing is that we can use this as a deduction during taxes this year so we might not owe for once in our lives and we might be able to get this paid off quicker with a tax refund.
It is a hard road the horrible dreams I have been having miscarriages I wake up and go to the restroom to make sure that one did not happen even thought I am not sure if I am pregnant. I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking how much I want this to work they are happy and just emotional tears I actually wait till my husband is a sleep because I do not want to stress him out but it is just a way for me to be myself and feel all that I need to during this time.
It is all about your support system not wanting someone to say " I know what you are going through" for someone to say " I am here for you and I am not sure what you are going through but I will help you."
I have a sweet girlfriend Melissa she knew I was having a hard day on Thursday and she took me to get a pedicure the best remedy I could ask for the day she knows how to make my day better. It is family that is there for you during the adventure. It s cute couples like Ashley and Spencer very good friends that will bring us over food for dinner and will listen to me talk even if I repeated myself a ton of times it is the calming affect that Ashley has on me when she listens and speaks.
My younger brother Iszac Lacrosse moms they are amazing they have been there and helped me understand the process of in vitro and they have prayed for my husband and I it is complete strangers right now reading this praying for our sucess in the journey. It is the plato girls in draper saying hi. It is my sisters telling me that they have had dreams about me being pregnant it is the sister that is always there with her sixth sense and she just knows it is our time it is the twin sisters just being supportive and making cute comments on my facebook. It is both mother and father on both sides there for us no matter what. Same with all of the family and friends.
This journey has taught me patience it has taught me that it is not on my time it is on someone elses time it has taught me I cannot compare myself to any other woman out there my body might be different my symptoms might not be text book nothing is in writting and nothing is ever guaranteed it has taught me to have faith in my self and others. It has taught me it is okay to have a dirty house during this time because I have not cleaned for two weeks and lets face it when a "Woman is down the husbands cleaning just is not the same".
It has taught me to open up to let others into my journey it has taught me to learn from others advice or even sometimes disreard others advice that is not so nice it has taught me to be okay with who I am and if this is my only trial through life I am thankful I have thought of the hardest trial kids with terminal illness, cancer patients, and all other illnesses that are out there. I am lucky to just have the issue of infertility because it can be beat with the right attitude and we will have a family soon.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers Day
Well day three after transfer and today is the holiday I used to dislike it has a lot of meaning to it this year hopefully my babies are growing or attaching.
I have had a lot of ups and downs lately trying to stay positive but nervous trying to stay unstress makes you stressed at the same time it is a tug a war between emotions. I have hope and still say stick to my belly and grow here is a list of so far who has told my babies to stick or have given the magical touch or vibes:
Iszac my little brother he said stick and put his hand on my tummy and he said two baby boys so he can teach them lacrosse but later he admitted he thinks that if I am pregnant with two it will be a boy and girl
Parker my 21 year old brother actually put his hand on my tummy as well and told them to stick
Mom(Robin and Nancy), and Dad put hands on my belly and said stick
Skylar my cute and may I mention single cousin just returned from a mission just for all the single girls out there is very excited for us and said stick and did a vibe to my belly from the couch.
My moms neighbor Dot also told them to stick babies.
Erin my sister did the same thing she told them to stick and my little niece that is three told me "Happy Mothers Day" and Jason as well she is adorable and I got extra special attention she let me read books to her instead of asking grandma Nancy.
Is the pressure worth it for everyone to know is what I battle the what if's the do not stress but trying not to stress is stress. What should my body feel like, What are the symptoms, Have they attached, Should I be getting sick by now, and the most important question am I pregnant?
These questions just raddle my mind I have to take a breather and know that everybody's body is different I might have implantation spotting I might not I might get sick I might not I might be tired well yes this one is true I am tired but am I tired from the events that have taken place or am I tired from the babies.
Is it okay to cough is it okay to laugh, can I stretch, can I hic up, can I eat this food is, can I sneeze, all of these following things will this contract my uterus?
I have learned that it might but these are natural things so I just need to go with it. Yesterday last night was hard the only stress I have is if it does not work how will I afford to do this treatment again this is so much money for a treatment it is not like I married Bill Gates.
I guess this is all a part of the uncontrol that I have in this situation I am happy that all three of my embryos looked better than text book and this is in my bodies and the lords hands.
For everyone that doesn't have fertility issues this part of being pregnant is easy you have not missed a period yet you do not even know your body is trying to get pregnant. For couples doing in vitro they know that they are doing a procedure and that it should be implanting or is should be attaching or shedding it layer and impedding into your uterus.
But here I am at this stage just keeping my head up and trying to always think positive but be hopeful.
I have had a lot of ups and downs lately trying to stay positive but nervous trying to stay unstress makes you stressed at the same time it is a tug a war between emotions. I have hope and still say stick to my belly and grow here is a list of so far who has told my babies to stick or have given the magical touch or vibes:
Iszac my little brother he said stick and put his hand on my tummy and he said two baby boys so he can teach them lacrosse but later he admitted he thinks that if I am pregnant with two it will be a boy and girl
Parker my 21 year old brother actually put his hand on my tummy as well and told them to stick
Mom(Robin and Nancy), and Dad put hands on my belly and said stick
Skylar my cute and may I mention single cousin just returned from a mission just for all the single girls out there is very excited for us and said stick and did a vibe to my belly from the couch.
My moms neighbor Dot also told them to stick babies.
Erin my sister did the same thing she told them to stick and my little niece that is three told me "Happy Mothers Day" and Jason as well she is adorable and I got extra special attention she let me read books to her instead of asking grandma Nancy.
Is the pressure worth it for everyone to know is what I battle the what if's the do not stress but trying not to stress is stress. What should my body feel like, What are the symptoms, Have they attached, Should I be getting sick by now, and the most important question am I pregnant?
These questions just raddle my mind I have to take a breather and know that everybody's body is different I might have implantation spotting I might not I might get sick I might not I might be tired well yes this one is true I am tired but am I tired from the events that have taken place or am I tired from the babies.
Is it okay to cough is it okay to laugh, can I stretch, can I hic up, can I eat this food is, can I sneeze, all of these following things will this contract my uterus?
I have learned that it might but these are natural things so I just need to go with it. Yesterday last night was hard the only stress I have is if it does not work how will I afford to do this treatment again this is so much money for a treatment it is not like I married Bill Gates.
I guess this is all a part of the uncontrol that I have in this situation I am happy that all three of my embryos looked better than text book and this is in my bodies and the lords hands.
For everyone that doesn't have fertility issues this part of being pregnant is easy you have not missed a period yet you do not even know your body is trying to get pregnant. For couples doing in vitro they know that they are doing a procedure and that it should be implanting or is should be attaching or shedding it layer and impedding into your uterus.
But here I am at this stage just keeping my head up and trying to always think positive but be hopeful.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Our life over the last 24 hours
Implantation date May 5,2011 wow this date has come I want someone to pinch me to know it was true but don't worry I did not need a pinch I had a full bladder that killed because for implantation they give you valium and you have to have a full bladder so they can have a contrast of the uterus when they place them.
My mom, Jason, and I started the journey to provo yesterday about 11:00 A.M I was on my way of drinking a ton of water we arrived at the doctors office valium already in my system and I was ready to go to the bathroom that was.
Everyone asks if I was nervous the only thing I was nervous about was peeing on the doctor because my bladder was so full I could not even stand up all the way because it was painful.
They told me to come on back and to go ahead and use the restroom only if I would promise to do one mississippi and than stop Jason thinks this is crazy that I can do that and stop but I did it helped alittle just a relief of one mississippi.
We all cramed into the room to have the implantation start the doctors and nurse are in the room they bring in the incubator which holds the petry dish and I got prepared in the sturups I breathed in and out they got them ready to implant they did and ultrasound and found the best place to drop them off at they take the instrument out and the embryologist makes sure that they where deposited in my uterus so he looks through the microscope and it was clear they are floating around in my uterus.
How many did we implant we implanted two the reason being is that it gives me a 50% chance to get pregnant the original woman only has a 25% chance of getting pregnant and for me with infertility issues I had a 7% chance without doing invitro of getting pregnant and a 3% chance of triplets and a 20% chance of twins.
If we deposited the third one my chances of triplets would be 10-13% that is high and they are looking out for my health and the goal of delivering a healthy baby I was torn by this decision because obviously if they implanted three my chances go up to 75% of getting pregnant but I was torn as well because the percentage of triplets made me more afraid of what if that happened and it was complications and ended up with none?
I think it is important to trust the doctors and there decision. I layed on the table with my head dropped and legs up for about thirty minutes. My embryologist doctor came in and gave us our first picture of the petry dish it will go into our baby album he explained that he would have put in three if they did not look so good but these look great they are as good as text book they split in cells they way they should in size and they dont have any fragmenation so the quality is awesome if the quality was poor they would have put in all three.
He gave us important instructions such as my husband cleans my house this one I like and my mom needs to make me good food because I am eating for three. So a steak and potatos or whatever I want. The doctor asked me if I was craving ice cream and pickles. If you all know me I love pickles so this will not be hard to crave daily.
Jason and my mom and I drove home I got home and laid in bed all day the valium really kicked in I woke up when I was hungry my poor husband he has cooked spagetthi and soup and he has gone to olive garden for there potato soup which I love and breadsticks I ate yesterday for three for sure and I had ice cream.
I was a little sore not to bad I have been laying down for 24 hours only getting up to go to the restroom and sitting up in bed to eat. Today I have walked around a little more only on my second level I do not dare do stairs unless Jason helps me just because I am afraid to fall.
I ask Jason questions such as is it okay to cough,sneeze, strech, sleep on my side, sleep on my back, is it okay to hic up, and is it okay to laugh I don't want to contract my uterus at all so I am very nervous to do any of the following above. Jason just keeps telling me that I am fine I just need to take it easy.
This morning was a little emotional for me I wanted a egg mcmuffin at mcdonalds and orange juice and Jason went to go get it for me but breakfast was over so he thought that he would buy me a chicken sandwich at wendys he knows I love that meal. He brought it up to me and I cried I wanted the egg mcmuffin he so was calm and explained that they do not serve breakfast past 10 A.M. I told him he should have drove to the one on bangeter they serve it until 11 A.M. He asked me if I would like to eat the fries well no because I want a egg mcmuffin.
I asked him to go get milk and orange juice because that is what I wanted to drink orange juice and I ended up eating a bagel.
I was on high demand this morning and I am now realizing it. Well I am going to go take a nap. But before I take a nap I wanted to share what I make Jason do every night and morning or whenever I feel like it.
I ask Jason to put his hands on my tummy and tell them to stick and secretly I do it as well every night or when I think about will this work I make myself think positive and put my hands on my belly and tell them I love them and to stick and grow!
My mom, Jason, and I started the journey to provo yesterday about 11:00 A.M I was on my way of drinking a ton of water we arrived at the doctors office valium already in my system and I was ready to go to the bathroom that was.
Everyone asks if I was nervous the only thing I was nervous about was peeing on the doctor because my bladder was so full I could not even stand up all the way because it was painful.
They told me to come on back and to go ahead and use the restroom only if I would promise to do one mississippi and than stop Jason thinks this is crazy that I can do that and stop but I did it helped alittle just a relief of one mississippi.
We all cramed into the room to have the implantation start the doctors and nurse are in the room they bring in the incubator which holds the petry dish and I got prepared in the sturups I breathed in and out they got them ready to implant they did and ultrasound and found the best place to drop them off at they take the instrument out and the embryologist makes sure that they where deposited in my uterus so he looks through the microscope and it was clear they are floating around in my uterus.
How many did we implant we implanted two the reason being is that it gives me a 50% chance to get pregnant the original woman only has a 25% chance of getting pregnant and for me with infertility issues I had a 7% chance without doing invitro of getting pregnant and a 3% chance of triplets and a 20% chance of twins.
If we deposited the third one my chances of triplets would be 10-13% that is high and they are looking out for my health and the goal of delivering a healthy baby I was torn by this decision because obviously if they implanted three my chances go up to 75% of getting pregnant but I was torn as well because the percentage of triplets made me more afraid of what if that happened and it was complications and ended up with none?
I think it is important to trust the doctors and there decision. I layed on the table with my head dropped and legs up for about thirty minutes. My embryologist doctor came in and gave us our first picture of the petry dish it will go into our baby album he explained that he would have put in three if they did not look so good but these look great they are as good as text book they split in cells they way they should in size and they dont have any fragmenation so the quality is awesome if the quality was poor they would have put in all three.
He gave us important instructions such as my husband cleans my house this one I like and my mom needs to make me good food because I am eating for three. So a steak and potatos or whatever I want. The doctor asked me if I was craving ice cream and pickles. If you all know me I love pickles so this will not be hard to crave daily.
Jason and my mom and I drove home I got home and laid in bed all day the valium really kicked in I woke up when I was hungry my poor husband he has cooked spagetthi and soup and he has gone to olive garden for there potato soup which I love and breadsticks I ate yesterday for three for sure and I had ice cream.
I was a little sore not to bad I have been laying down for 24 hours only getting up to go to the restroom and sitting up in bed to eat. Today I have walked around a little more only on my second level I do not dare do stairs unless Jason helps me just because I am afraid to fall.
I ask Jason questions such as is it okay to cough,sneeze, strech, sleep on my side, sleep on my back, is it okay to hic up, and is it okay to laugh I don't want to contract my uterus at all so I am very nervous to do any of the following above. Jason just keeps telling me that I am fine I just need to take it easy.
This morning was a little emotional for me I wanted a egg mcmuffin at mcdonalds and orange juice and Jason went to go get it for me but breakfast was over so he thought that he would buy me a chicken sandwich at wendys he knows I love that meal. He brought it up to me and I cried I wanted the egg mcmuffin he so was calm and explained that they do not serve breakfast past 10 A.M. I told him he should have drove to the one on bangeter they serve it until 11 A.M. He asked me if I would like to eat the fries well no because I want a egg mcmuffin.
I asked him to go get milk and orange juice because that is what I wanted to drink orange juice and I ended up eating a bagel.
I was on high demand this morning and I am now realizing it. Well I am going to go take a nap. But before I take a nap I wanted to share what I make Jason do every night and morning or whenever I feel like it.
I ask Jason to put his hands on my tummy and tell them to stick and secretly I do it as well every night or when I think about will this work I make myself think positive and put my hands on my belly and tell them I love them and to stick and grow!
Monday, May 2, 2011
The end of one journey to start a beginning of another one started all today!
Egg retrival day was today Monday May 1,2011. Wow this process has gone by so quick and slow at some times. At one o'clock today I entered the doctors office prepared kind of onrey because no food since 10:39 P.M the night before and nothing to drink either but well worth the procedure.
We arrived at 12:15 in the afternoon ready to get the grapes taken off my ovaries well the eggs I was nervous you never know with this procedure is everything going to work did I produce eggs yes, will they be retrived fine.
I went in the back room operating room. My embryologist came out and asked me how I was doing and how many I had I told him a total of 13 ready from what we saw on Thursday he asked if he was going to be busy I told him I will keep him busy with taking them out and finding all of them I am sure.
I felt very comforted about this procedure today nervous but that is normal I am thinking. My hat is off to the whole staff the anesthesiologist, the doctors, nurses the feel of support was awesome from only staff that I have known by phone and just barely met in person.
I was ready went over all meds came out in a pink gown that to say the least is not modest at all but who cares when you are doing this kind of procedure you better know you are not going to be as modest.
I went to sleep felt very calm I saw a nurse that I have been working with and my doctor come into the operating room it is game time!
I was asleep quick, all I remember is waking up in the recovery bed to my name being called by a comforting nurse she asked me how I felt and if I need any pain medication to be put through my IV I told her I think I am okay I took a drink of Gatorade and my husband came back since I was the last patient of the day.
My invitro doctor and embryologist doctor came into the room these men are amazing. He told me I had eleven retrieved and the average is 8-10 so I did well I told him thank you for all he has done up to now. May I say that they are so knowledgeable I felt so supported and that I made it this far I am proud of myself and my husband.
The week has come I am on the last couple of days... everything is in the lords hands.
The embryologist will be calling me tomorrow and telling me how they are growing I am hoping all goes well we would like to transfer on day five gives you the highest chances but day three could be transfer date if they are ready because you do not want to have them to mature from what I understand.
So sleep tight my little petry dishes mommy and daddy are praying this all works out and so are a lot of other family and friends.
I feel very calm.. this procedure and infertility road has taught me patience some things cannot be rushed... some trials are harder than others.... it has taught me it is okay to go through denial stages it is okay not to be accepting of the circumstance it has showed me that I can either be depressed or I can talk about my trial it has showed me that it is not in my hands or my husbands hands it is all with time and in the Lords hands... It has taught me it is okay to cry by yourself and to others it is okay to let friends and family in will they know what you are going through not exactly but every trial is different but they are the rocks and the hands that will hug you and keep you comforted they are the arms and kisses that will wipe away your tears they are the ears that will listen.
I know I have not listed the facility I am using the reason why is that it was a personal choice all I can say is follow your heart, lean on your spouse, cry happy and sad tears, do your research,soul search, maybe drop to your knees if that is a way for you to find out if it is right, talk to others you would be surprised by how much I have learned and how many strong couples I have met with some kind of infertility challenge and know you are not alone.
I understand it is hard to talk to others about it but it helped me I was nervous, I was scared, I learned to bond with them. I have two amazing girls I work with that had infertility issues and they both got pregnant around the same time these women are amazing and it is not because they actually got pregnant it is because I formed a bond with them even if we do not talk daily we all have a connection.
My mother is the one that is talkative about it as well she has met a lot of people it is a small world and I realized that when I opened up that others have gone through this struggle.
If you are reading this going through infertility I would like to say that I don't know how long years...months....or longer that you have been trying I do not know your circumstance... all I know is that we long for the same thing to be a mom/dad to nurture a child.
We arrived at 12:15 in the afternoon ready to get the grapes taken off my ovaries well the eggs I was nervous you never know with this procedure is everything going to work did I produce eggs yes, will they be retrived fine.
I went in the back room operating room. My embryologist came out and asked me how I was doing and how many I had I told him a total of 13 ready from what we saw on Thursday he asked if he was going to be busy I told him I will keep him busy with taking them out and finding all of them I am sure.
I felt very comforted about this procedure today nervous but that is normal I am thinking. My hat is off to the whole staff the anesthesiologist, the doctors, nurses the feel of support was awesome from only staff that I have known by phone and just barely met in person.
I was ready went over all meds came out in a pink gown that to say the least is not modest at all but who cares when you are doing this kind of procedure you better know you are not going to be as modest.
I went to sleep felt very calm I saw a nurse that I have been working with and my doctor come into the operating room it is game time!
I was asleep quick, all I remember is waking up in the recovery bed to my name being called by a comforting nurse she asked me how I felt and if I need any pain medication to be put through my IV I told her I think I am okay I took a drink of Gatorade and my husband came back since I was the last patient of the day.
My invitro doctor and embryologist doctor came into the room these men are amazing. He told me I had eleven retrieved and the average is 8-10 so I did well I told him thank you for all he has done up to now. May I say that they are so knowledgeable I felt so supported and that I made it this far I am proud of myself and my husband.
The week has come I am on the last couple of days... everything is in the lords hands.
The embryologist will be calling me tomorrow and telling me how they are growing I am hoping all goes well we would like to transfer on day five gives you the highest chances but day three could be transfer date if they are ready because you do not want to have them to mature from what I understand.
So sleep tight my little petry dishes mommy and daddy are praying this all works out and so are a lot of other family and friends.
I feel very calm.. this procedure and infertility road has taught me patience some things cannot be rushed... some trials are harder than others.... it has taught me it is okay to go through denial stages it is okay not to be accepting of the circumstance it has showed me that I can either be depressed or I can talk about my trial it has showed me that it is not in my hands or my husbands hands it is all with time and in the Lords hands... It has taught me it is okay to cry by yourself and to others it is okay to let friends and family in will they know what you are going through not exactly but every trial is different but they are the rocks and the hands that will hug you and keep you comforted they are the arms and kisses that will wipe away your tears they are the ears that will listen.
I know I have not listed the facility I am using the reason why is that it was a personal choice all I can say is follow your heart, lean on your spouse, cry happy and sad tears, do your research,soul search, maybe drop to your knees if that is a way for you to find out if it is right, talk to others you would be surprised by how much I have learned and how many strong couples I have met with some kind of infertility challenge and know you are not alone.
I understand it is hard to talk to others about it but it helped me I was nervous, I was scared, I learned to bond with them. I have two amazing girls I work with that had infertility issues and they both got pregnant around the same time these women are amazing and it is not because they actually got pregnant it is because I formed a bond with them even if we do not talk daily we all have a connection.
My mother is the one that is talkative about it as well she has met a lot of people it is a small world and I realized that when I opened up that others have gone through this struggle.
If you are reading this going through infertility I would like to say that I don't know how long years...months....or longer that you have been trying I do not know your circumstance... all I know is that we long for the same thing to be a mom/dad to nurture a child.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It is like Christmas time
Remember when you where a little girl or boy and you would get so excited the week of Christmas that it was so hard to sleep? Okay, I am still that way little girl or not.
Well Christmas week has arrived early this year for me that is how is has been for me overwhelming, exciting,nervous, anxious, and did I mention exciting. I went to my doctor appointment yesterday and I met the doctors for the first time. All this anticipation built up from how others described them that have gone to them that I have ran into along this journey.
When they came into a room I felt comforted I had my embriologist and Invitro doctor which I felt very at ease. This appointment was to see how well I am doing on the stimulation shots and to my suprise he started to name them off during the ultrasound.
He stated my right ovary looks good for the two surgeries I have had done. He counted them and gave off measurments. Let's say I am a grape vine right now I heard about 18 that are stimulating and maybe 5 to 7 more that are smaller than 10mm wow I am on my way. The doctor seemed pretty happy that I took so well and I am on day 4 of stimulation shots.
I was way excited the "What if's started to creep into my head the day before the appointment."
Such as what if I have no follicules. I didn't worry about it as much when I got to the office for my appointment the staff is friendly and so helpful I feel like I am supported and I have known them for a long time.
The docotor stated keep doing what you are doing with shots and we will see you on Thursday he gave me a time line that we would do egg retrival possibly Sunday or Monday. My heart skipped or beated twice with excitment I am to the final week of IVF.
Jason stated to the doctors that we have never had a hard time making eggs/follicules we have just had issues getting it to attach. The doctor smiled and said we will do that for you. That sentence was so powerful to me from the doctor I felt like I was in good hands.
Later on I got a call to only do 2 Bravelle shots because my estrogen level was high so they took me off of Menopur. This is why I was sick is because of my estrogen level and well it is a side effect to the medication as well.
I am still on two shots just one is Bravell and one is Lupron. I will keep you all updated on my journey as soon as I can I have decided that after Thursday will be my last update.
If anyone has questions about the next couple of weeks please, call my husband and he will give you all updated information.
I just want to relax and get this baby attached after I have implantation.
Well Christmas week has arrived early this year for me that is how is has been for me overwhelming, exciting,nervous, anxious, and did I mention exciting. I went to my doctor appointment yesterday and I met the doctors for the first time. All this anticipation built up from how others described them that have gone to them that I have ran into along this journey.
When they came into a room I felt comforted I had my embriologist and Invitro doctor which I felt very at ease. This appointment was to see how well I am doing on the stimulation shots and to my suprise he started to name them off during the ultrasound.
He stated my right ovary looks good for the two surgeries I have had done. He counted them and gave off measurments. Let's say I am a grape vine right now I heard about 18 that are stimulating and maybe 5 to 7 more that are smaller than 10mm wow I am on my way. The doctor seemed pretty happy that I took so well and I am on day 4 of stimulation shots.
I was way excited the "What if's started to creep into my head the day before the appointment."
Such as what if I have no follicules. I didn't worry about it as much when I got to the office for my appointment the staff is friendly and so helpful I feel like I am supported and I have known them for a long time.
The docotor stated keep doing what you are doing with shots and we will see you on Thursday he gave me a time line that we would do egg retrival possibly Sunday or Monday. My heart skipped or beated twice with excitment I am to the final week of IVF.
Jason stated to the doctors that we have never had a hard time making eggs/follicules we have just had issues getting it to attach. The doctor smiled and said we will do that for you. That sentence was so powerful to me from the doctor I felt like I was in good hands.
Later on I got a call to only do 2 Bravelle shots because my estrogen level was high so they took me off of Menopur. This is why I was sick is because of my estrogen level and well it is a side effect to the medication as well.
I am still on two shots just one is Bravell and one is Lupron. I will keep you all updated on my journey as soon as I can I have decided that after Thursday will be my last update.
If anyone has questions about the next couple of weeks please, call my husband and he will give you all updated information.
I just want to relax and get this baby attached after I have implantation.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Doctors Appointment tomorrow
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow early in the morning I am getting excited to meet my doctor face to face he just arrived in town today and they just opened up the new facility. It has all came quick and slow at the same time.
Tomorrow's appointment is to see where my follicules are at and how they are progressing I started stimulation shots on Friday the 22nd and so they just make sure that they don't over stimulate my folloicules (eggs). I also get another blood drawn I am down to an appointment every other day with them.
Next week is the big week we will be doing most likely egg retrival and implantation if everything works out.
Fingers,toes,eyes and everything else crossed. I will keep you posted about tomorrows doctors appointment.
Tomorrow's appointment is to see where my follicules are at and how they are progressing I started stimulation shots on Friday the 22nd and so they just make sure that they don't over stimulate my folloicules (eggs). I also get another blood drawn I am down to an appointment every other day with them.
Next week is the big week we will be doing most likely egg retrival and implantation if everything works out.
Fingers,toes,eyes and everything else crossed. I will keep you posted about tomorrows doctors appointment.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Two Shots and 1 1/2 week to go
Count down begins well I still have awhile to go but I would like to count down so I feel better about the two shots.
I hate the second shot it is a lot more fluid and it burns going into my stomach the next thing I don't like about it is the hot flashes I can go to normal to what I feel like is 105 degrees in two seconds.
Sometimes I am okay one min. and want to cry the next hour it a roller coaster the only one that see this one is my husband the most.
Sickness is another thing I lost an appettite I cannot eat meat or I will get sick or have issues sleeping I can have chilli so I get protein I am off the caffiene I think for good and I solved my headache issues a little faster with cutting my long hair short again.
I have a hard time relating to others right now I am so focused on what I need to do and accomplish.
O'Yeah and my stomach looks like a dart board so much for bikinis for this summer. The shots cause my stomach to feel blowded (if that is a word) so I look like I have gained weight I promise it is for a good cause is what I tell myself.
So I am on Bravelle two vials and one vial of Menopur the side effects for Bravelle are Ovarian cysts, voimiting, breast pain,injection site pain, ovarian enlargement, chills, fever and nausea.Menopur causes all the above with the extras of constipation,diarrhea,dizziness,hot flashes, flu like symptoms.
I don't read side effects until I start the injection I decided I don't want to know but when I get chills, hot flashes, vomiting, and dizziness I take a look.
I keep telling myself this is worth it everyone has a feeling it will work I was surrounded by positive thoughts last night at my brothers birthday party.
I have a support system that I can never replace.
I hate the second shot it is a lot more fluid and it burns going into my stomach the next thing I don't like about it is the hot flashes I can go to normal to what I feel like is 105 degrees in two seconds.
Sometimes I am okay one min. and want to cry the next hour it a roller coaster the only one that see this one is my husband the most.
Sickness is another thing I lost an appettite I cannot eat meat or I will get sick or have issues sleeping I can have chilli so I get protein I am off the caffiene I think for good and I solved my headache issues a little faster with cutting my long hair short again.
I have a hard time relating to others right now I am so focused on what I need to do and accomplish.
O'Yeah and my stomach looks like a dart board so much for bikinis for this summer. The shots cause my stomach to feel blowded (if that is a word) so I look like I have gained weight I promise it is for a good cause is what I tell myself.
So I am on Bravelle two vials and one vial of Menopur the side effects for Bravelle are Ovarian cysts, voimiting, breast pain,injection site pain, ovarian enlargement, chills, fever and nausea.Menopur causes all the above with the extras of constipation,diarrhea,dizziness,hot flashes, flu like symptoms.
I don't read side effects until I start the injection I decided I don't want to know but when I get chills, hot flashes, vomiting, and dizziness I take a look.
I keep telling myself this is worth it everyone has a feeling it will work I was surrounded by positive thoughts last night at my brothers birthday party.
I have a support system that I can never replace.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Dreams and questions.
This week has been hard I stopped drinking caffiene. I woke up today day 3 of no caffiene and my headache is gone I have only taken a little of advil because I am suppose to not take much of that either.
I think I am over the caffiene woohoo but then again it is only day 3 but hey if I can go 3 weeks it is no longer an addicition I just need to stay away from the temptation.
Without caffiene you think I would sleep I am exhausted and want to sleep but my mind does not shut off I have weird dreams lately that make no sense my last two dreams have been in color which is a step up from my black and white normal dreams.
I am going to dream log for post just this time unless another dream comes along worth blogging
I had a dream before my ultrasound last week I must have been stressed about the ultrasound or it was on my mind alot.
Dream:
I walked into the OB office and it was like any other doctor office waiting chairs and a T.V the ultrasound tech checked me and told me to go down the hall to the restroom and change into a gown. I opened the door to the restroom and it was a strip club I changed my clothes into the gown in front of everyone and I opened the door and I was back in the OB office I went to the room I was getting the ultrasound in and the tech was in the room and she said take this pill it will make you sleepy I told her I have done a ultrasound before and I have not done this she said "we make improvements on your body if necessary" I told her that I did not have the $50.00 so I should go get it from my car she told me to just send it in by mail at this time as I turned for the door .
I realized that there was another patient in the room on a bed and she just had surgery she was not wearing anything and she just had surgery on her breast for enlargements but it looked like a chop job around her breast. The patient started waking up and she was screaming and sitting up and the tech ran over to her and went to strap her down and than I woke up from my dream.
Second dream:
This one happened last night
My mom and I was walking home from a store and it felt like I was walking forever we finally saw her friend Sandy in a yellow jeep my mom stated let's go talk to her so we walked over to the jeep and my mom jumped into the front seat but there was no back seat at all for me to sit I told her I would just jump into the little trunk part and Sandy told me no and my mom said well just hold onto my seat as we drive and we will keep the door open they both seemed okay with that idea and my mom kept telling me it will build arm muscle.
Some how in my dream I ended up in the back seat of the jeep and it was a very small area all of these puppies where around and my mom's friend said to hold them so they don't fall out I was in a panic because there was so many puppies that I could not hold them but they would not help me hold the puppies.... and then I woke up.
Dreams are interesting to me sometimes.
I start my stimulation shots today so this IVF process I am doing to shots a day one of Lupron and the other of the stimulation I figured out what Lupron does it makes it so when I start stimulation shots that it groups my follicules together so it makes it easier for them to complete egg retrevial.
So today is the day that I start becoming like a grape vine is the best way to describe it the stimulation make you produce multiple follicules. So cheers to grape vines.
I kind of have to admit I know why I did not want to share this journey the reason being is that I did not want to know the what if's for example: "What if it does not work" asked by a handful and foot full of people or "What if you do not produce any follicules", What if during the petry dish stage they all die off and you cannot implant one", and my favorite question because I would love if it came true "What if you have multiples" the last question is my favorite it gives me hope the other ones make me want to bury my head in the sand and never come out. All I can say back to all of these questions is "What if it works" I decided these questions need to be asked by people these questions need to be confronted and the reason why is I need all the preperation I can get I think if I kept this quite I would not have thought that maybe they will die off and I will have no embryos to transfer or what if my ovaries decide not to produce but the question I try to focus on now is "What if it works."
The reason being is that I beleive in positive reinforcement. I watched my grandma pass away battling cancer may I say not one time did I ever doubt her thought of she can beat cancer. The reason why is because her attitude told me she would beat this and may I state that she was the strongest woman to fight this battle she lived daily life she breathed in every breath of air she smiled at every person and she went to Echo lake when she started treatements for cancer I would have never guessed that she had cancer she wore her hair piece and would give it to my younger brother to wear she would go to the hotels in the city or near by our houses and we would stay there and swim and have fun.
What got us through it laughter and normal life she kept life normal as can be. My grandma has taught me to live life without the "What ifs" just keep on truckin when times get rough.
I will make it through this either with a smile or the attitude of I need to keep on truckin.
I think I am over the caffiene woohoo but then again it is only day 3 but hey if I can go 3 weeks it is no longer an addicition I just need to stay away from the temptation.
Without caffiene you think I would sleep I am exhausted and want to sleep but my mind does not shut off I have weird dreams lately that make no sense my last two dreams have been in color which is a step up from my black and white normal dreams.
I am going to dream log for post just this time unless another dream comes along worth blogging
I had a dream before my ultrasound last week I must have been stressed about the ultrasound or it was on my mind alot.
Dream:
I walked into the OB office and it was like any other doctor office waiting chairs and a T.V the ultrasound tech checked me and told me to go down the hall to the restroom and change into a gown. I opened the door to the restroom and it was a strip club I changed my clothes into the gown in front of everyone and I opened the door and I was back in the OB office I went to the room I was getting the ultrasound in and the tech was in the room and she said take this pill it will make you sleepy I told her I have done a ultrasound before and I have not done this she said "we make improvements on your body if necessary" I told her that I did not have the $50.00 so I should go get it from my car she told me to just send it in by mail at this time as I turned for the door .
I realized that there was another patient in the room on a bed and she just had surgery she was not wearing anything and she just had surgery on her breast for enlargements but it looked like a chop job around her breast. The patient started waking up and she was screaming and sitting up and the tech ran over to her and went to strap her down and than I woke up from my dream.
Second dream:
This one happened last night
My mom and I was walking home from a store and it felt like I was walking forever we finally saw her friend Sandy in a yellow jeep my mom stated let's go talk to her so we walked over to the jeep and my mom jumped into the front seat but there was no back seat at all for me to sit I told her I would just jump into the little trunk part and Sandy told me no and my mom said well just hold onto my seat as we drive and we will keep the door open they both seemed okay with that idea and my mom kept telling me it will build arm muscle.
Some how in my dream I ended up in the back seat of the jeep and it was a very small area all of these puppies where around and my mom's friend said to hold them so they don't fall out I was in a panic because there was so many puppies that I could not hold them but they would not help me hold the puppies.... and then I woke up.
Dreams are interesting to me sometimes.
I start my stimulation shots today so this IVF process I am doing to shots a day one of Lupron and the other of the stimulation I figured out what Lupron does it makes it so when I start stimulation shots that it groups my follicules together so it makes it easier for them to complete egg retrevial.
So today is the day that I start becoming like a grape vine is the best way to describe it the stimulation make you produce multiple follicules. So cheers to grape vines.
I kind of have to admit I know why I did not want to share this journey the reason being is that I did not want to know the what if's for example: "What if it does not work" asked by a handful and foot full of people or "What if you do not produce any follicules", What if during the petry dish stage they all die off and you cannot implant one", and my favorite question because I would love if it came true "What if you have multiples" the last question is my favorite it gives me hope the other ones make me want to bury my head in the sand and never come out. All I can say back to all of these questions is "What if it works" I decided these questions need to be asked by people these questions need to be confronted and the reason why is I need all the preperation I can get I think if I kept this quite I would not have thought that maybe they will die off and I will have no embryos to transfer or what if my ovaries decide not to produce but the question I try to focus on now is "What if it works."
The reason being is that I beleive in positive reinforcement. I watched my grandma pass away battling cancer may I say not one time did I ever doubt her thought of she can beat cancer. The reason why is because her attitude told me she would beat this and may I state that she was the strongest woman to fight this battle she lived daily life she breathed in every breath of air she smiled at every person and she went to Echo lake when she started treatements for cancer I would have never guessed that she had cancer she wore her hair piece and would give it to my younger brother to wear she would go to the hotels in the city or near by our houses and we would stay there and swim and have fun.
What got us through it laughter and normal life she kept life normal as can be. My grandma has taught me to live life without the "What ifs" just keep on truckin when times get rough.
I will make it through this either with a smile or the attitude of I need to keep on truckin.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Needles, Ultrasound,and Lab work
Sorry I have not updated this lately.
I had my first ultrasound appointment it was a baseline ultrasound they look to see if everything is sound so on the third day of my mensus they check by ultrasound which was yesterday. What they look for is any cysts on the ovaries. I went in to see the ultrasound tech in Provo yesterday since my doctor is not from Utah he flies in on April 25th so I have one appointment with a tech that they use before he comes into town.
I was prepared for this ultrasound it is either going to give me the green light to continue with simulation shots or the red light that we will have to wait. Jason and I drove out to Provo and our appointment was at 9:15 a.m we got out to the facility and I noticed other women in the waiting room since it was Saturday I knew that these must be other patients that are going to the same doctor for IVF.
I understand I should not compare myself to others but it was interesting to watch other women come in and get the samething done as I was doing. I know others are going through this as well but I felt really one on one with my doctor and nurses so far.
Reality started to set in no turning back not that I would want to but let's be truthful this is not a fun process to go through.
I sat in the waiting room of the OB's office waiting for my name to be called reading the notices on the desk such as: $50.00 to find out what gender you are having you can find out two weeks earlier. I also noticed dum dum suckers all blue ones in a basket and pink ones in another basket.
To be honest in the beginning of our infertility trial this would make me want to cry because I felt lost and alone but today I had a different feeling a one of relief my heart sped alittle and I thought that in about 3-4 months I could be paying money to find out what I am having. I have to be careful when I think like this because I know that also in 3-4 months I could be doing the IVF process all over again but as of right now I enjoyed that feeling for the first time of knowing that it is okay to get excited for IVF.
The ultrasound tech calls my name "Brooke" she went to go explain what this ultrasound entails and I repeated what she wanted to hear everything off from the waste down and she will be back in a couple of minutes. She stated to me this is not your first "Rodeo is it?" I stated not at all.
I was ready for the ultrasound she came in and the ultrasound began my ovaries looked great from what I could see I know I am not no doctor but when you look at your ovaries for what seems like the 17th hundred time through ultrasound you start understanding what they are looking for. She measured they measure the five biggest follicle's and than she sends the information off to the doctor and she also looks at how thick my uterus lining is.
I got the next instructions blood work needs to be done next. I got dressed and as Jason was looking around the room he saw print outs of a ultrasound with twins baby A and B and also triplets baby 1,2,and 3 I told him that would be awesome to have multiples. He always states lets work on one first.
We went over to the hospital for my blood to be drawn and it wasn't as bad as I thought one prick and one vial of blood not bad and I did not pass out. Way to go me!
Jason asked me a question as we where walking in to get my blood drawn and to be quite honest I know he is going through the pain with me just it is my body and so it seems like it is me that is doing all the preparation I know he is with me but I didn't think he ever thought about what I was thinking until this moment he said " How does it make you feel watching other girls walk in that is doing IVF" I was taken back by the question I answered I feel like I am in a race.
Naturally I am competitive but it is a different race it is with my own body. I told him I feel like what if it works for them and not me and he stated that all of our bodies are different all of our struggles are different. I told him I felt good about what we are doing because I felt like I was younger than all the ladies that I saw so I know I am giving myself a better chance.
Later on I have thought about that question and my answer I guess the race that I have felt is the race of time and the race of money and the cost of IVF and medication the race of life is what I felt. I have now realized that I am going to enjoy the moment and try to think more positive that I will be okay either way.
The race I have created with myself is a race of disappointment and let downs and I feel like I am racing against time and money. This is my chance to change that by doing IVF and knowing that sometimes you cannot control what happens so I need to let it be.
About two hours later I got the green light that I was okay to start simulation shots on the 22nd of April yes one green light a couple of more to go through this process.
On Monday I drop one shot down 5 Units the Lupron and on the 22nd of April I start injecting two medications in one shot and stay on the Lupron the next visit my doctor will have arrived in town and so I will get to meet him and his staff for the first time besides on a book cover and on morning shows that he has appeared on as a guest.
Update on shots I have my ups and downs I think I will through this whole process some days are easier and other days I want to give up but my husband helps me to continue.
Also I would like to say that I have the "Best Husband" ever he took off work and he said in the beginning he will be at every appointment he was the only husband that was in the office the morning of my ultrasound. I am starting to understand that I have never been alone.
I had my first ultrasound appointment it was a baseline ultrasound they look to see if everything is sound so on the third day of my mensus they check by ultrasound which was yesterday. What they look for is any cysts on the ovaries. I went in to see the ultrasound tech in Provo yesterday since my doctor is not from Utah he flies in on April 25th so I have one appointment with a tech that they use before he comes into town.
I was prepared for this ultrasound it is either going to give me the green light to continue with simulation shots or the red light that we will have to wait. Jason and I drove out to Provo and our appointment was at 9:15 a.m we got out to the facility and I noticed other women in the waiting room since it was Saturday I knew that these must be other patients that are going to the same doctor for IVF.
I understand I should not compare myself to others but it was interesting to watch other women come in and get the samething done as I was doing. I know others are going through this as well but I felt really one on one with my doctor and nurses so far.
Reality started to set in no turning back not that I would want to but let's be truthful this is not a fun process to go through.
I sat in the waiting room of the OB's office waiting for my name to be called reading the notices on the desk such as: $50.00 to find out what gender you are having you can find out two weeks earlier. I also noticed dum dum suckers all blue ones in a basket and pink ones in another basket.
To be honest in the beginning of our infertility trial this would make me want to cry because I felt lost and alone but today I had a different feeling a one of relief my heart sped alittle and I thought that in about 3-4 months I could be paying money to find out what I am having. I have to be careful when I think like this because I know that also in 3-4 months I could be doing the IVF process all over again but as of right now I enjoyed that feeling for the first time of knowing that it is okay to get excited for IVF.
The ultrasound tech calls my name "Brooke" she went to go explain what this ultrasound entails and I repeated what she wanted to hear everything off from the waste down and she will be back in a couple of minutes. She stated to me this is not your first "Rodeo is it?" I stated not at all.
I was ready for the ultrasound she came in and the ultrasound began my ovaries looked great from what I could see I know I am not no doctor but when you look at your ovaries for what seems like the 17th hundred time through ultrasound you start understanding what they are looking for. She measured they measure the five biggest follicle's and than she sends the information off to the doctor and she also looks at how thick my uterus lining is.
I got the next instructions blood work needs to be done next. I got dressed and as Jason was looking around the room he saw print outs of a ultrasound with twins baby A and B and also triplets baby 1,2,and 3 I told him that would be awesome to have multiples. He always states lets work on one first.
We went over to the hospital for my blood to be drawn and it wasn't as bad as I thought one prick and one vial of blood not bad and I did not pass out. Way to go me!
Jason asked me a question as we where walking in to get my blood drawn and to be quite honest I know he is going through the pain with me just it is my body and so it seems like it is me that is doing all the preparation I know he is with me but I didn't think he ever thought about what I was thinking until this moment he said " How does it make you feel watching other girls walk in that is doing IVF" I was taken back by the question I answered I feel like I am in a race.
Naturally I am competitive but it is a different race it is with my own body. I told him I feel like what if it works for them and not me and he stated that all of our bodies are different all of our struggles are different. I told him I felt good about what we are doing because I felt like I was younger than all the ladies that I saw so I know I am giving myself a better chance.
Later on I have thought about that question and my answer I guess the race that I have felt is the race of time and the race of money and the cost of IVF and medication the race of life is what I felt. I have now realized that I am going to enjoy the moment and try to think more positive that I will be okay either way.
The race I have created with myself is a race of disappointment and let downs and I feel like I am racing against time and money. This is my chance to change that by doing IVF and knowing that sometimes you cannot control what happens so I need to let it be.
About two hours later I got the green light that I was okay to start simulation shots on the 22nd of April yes one green light a couple of more to go through this process.
On Monday I drop one shot down 5 Units the Lupron and on the 22nd of April I start injecting two medications in one shot and stay on the Lupron the next visit my doctor will have arrived in town and so I will get to meet him and his staff for the first time besides on a book cover and on morning shows that he has appeared on as a guest.
Update on shots I have my ups and downs I think I will through this whole process some days are easier and other days I want to give up but my husband helps me to continue.
Also I would like to say that I have the "Best Husband" ever he took off work and he said in the beginning he will be at every appointment he was the only husband that was in the office the morning of my ultrasound. I am starting to understand that I have never been alone.
Monday, April 11, 2011
No Longer Sleeping Beauty
Couple of side effects to Lupron that I do not enjoy one is not being able to sleep. No sleep equals not so happy Brooke!
Another side effect acid reflex really I need to cut back on the Pepsi I understand but I can't cut it cold turkey I still need one and realized on Saturday no more wingers for me at all.
The best side effect of all hot flashes and than the chills this is great I get to feel what menopause will be like.
I am doing better with the shots Jason came out to give me the one today I don't know if any of you have dreaded a time of the day well I do it is six o'clock P.M.
I pump myself up about 5 o'clock you can do this it is quick and easy as long as we do not count down 3,2,1 by 2 I back out I am not ready I will scream it and a flood of tears follow. I figured out I know that it is coming by hearing the number 1 so I don't want to know just use the alcohol wipe, pinch the skin, and throw the dart, all I ask is to inject the medication slowly.
So yes today was a better shot day but I am sure I will have many more days where I want to hide and still yell out "I am not ready."
All and all today was a good day tonight that might be a different story because this sleeping beauty can no longer sleep being restless and can't finding the right spot makes is for a very long night. I better go get started settling down hope you all have a great night.
Another side effect acid reflex really I need to cut back on the Pepsi I understand but I can't cut it cold turkey I still need one and realized on Saturday no more wingers for me at all.
The best side effect of all hot flashes and than the chills this is great I get to feel what menopause will be like.
I am doing better with the shots Jason came out to give me the one today I don't know if any of you have dreaded a time of the day well I do it is six o'clock P.M.
I pump myself up about 5 o'clock you can do this it is quick and easy as long as we do not count down 3,2,1 by 2 I back out I am not ready I will scream it and a flood of tears follow. I figured out I know that it is coming by hearing the number 1 so I don't want to know just use the alcohol wipe, pinch the skin, and throw the dart, all I ask is to inject the medication slowly.
So yes today was a better shot day but I am sure I will have many more days where I want to hide and still yell out "I am not ready."
All and all today was a good day tonight that might be a different story because this sleeping beauty can no longer sleep being restless and can't finding the right spot makes is for a very long night. I better go get started settling down hope you all have a great night.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Starting IVF
Phone consult done, papers turned in and signed, blood work for me and him completed. All we do is wait as I wait I get nervous I know what IVF is going to consist of I did my research I figured out all good and all bad things that can happen.
The start of my mensus day one call the fertility office and I start birth control I know everyone reading this is thinking you want to get pregnant if I was still in my denial/withdraw stage this would be hard but after researching and trusting my doctor that he knows how to do this I decided that we are ready for this well I am ready for this. March 2 started birth control stayed on birth control for the whole month never missed a pill this was the easy part all I had to do is take a pill at the same time everyday.
April came along to be quite honest I dread this month I know that injections start and to let you all in on a little secret I hate needles! I knew from day one that this was going to be my challenge little did I know this was not my only challenge.
I started Lupron on April 3rd injections would not be so bad if they where not in your stomach yes a needle in my stomach. Let's just say I did not sleep well at all the start of April I was just anticipating the shots.
Jason gave me the first one on April 3rd not to bad as long as it is injected slowly we started in the evening because this needs to be given during that time well six o'clock is what we started to do on April 3rd so we had to stick with this time.
I work until nine P.M at night so I am at work during this time. I have decided to be completely open about this process because I want to look back and know that if anyone goes through infertility that they can read this and know that they are not alone you may feel like I don't understand and I might not understand what you are going through but I sympathize with everyone with infertility issues.
Jason stated well I am not coming out at six everyday after work to give you shots you will have to learn yourself well he did the shots for two days on April 5th I would give myself the shot it is harder than you think I am good with drawing up the medication but when it comes to the injection this is a fear I have I used to pass out when I saw blood or needles I would get nervous and hold my breath and end up on the floor passed out.
April 5th I did my first injection this was a Tuesday on April 6 and 7th I did my own injections when you do your own well for me I couldn't just let it go into my skin like a dart I pushed it in slowly it did not hurt as much but you could feel it going through the skin and it felt like it was getting caught it wasn't but you felt it yourself. I was a big girl I conquered my fear.
I started to notice that at night I would start getting acid reflex not sure if it is a side effect and not as bad but hot flashes and than chills my stomach seems to be a little uneasy. I decided to look online to figure out side effects and these are some of them.
Everyday Lupron and birth control pills until just barely April 9th I took my last birth control pill and now I am just on injection of Lupron.
Jason and I thought that April we would fall off the earth nothing is going to go on during this month just preparation of getting my body ready for IVF.
Taking these IVF injections kind of messes with your emotions I had a break down on Friday I was having a hard time I felt like I am the one that is doing this I felt alone I learned that my husband was with me every step of the way he came home early and spent the evening with me after talking about the issues I was having and that I was afraid of needles I did not want to continue with the injections we decided that Jason would just come to my work and give these to me this is a stress that I could not handle doing myself.
If you are going through this process I felt that I was the only one that was doing this it is my body that I had to give the injections to it was not his body. I realized at this time he is my support system he is the one that will keep me going when I want to give up he is my companion.
I will try and keep you updated and I go along with this process all Jason and I ask is that during this process that the questions be limited we are all hoping for the process to end up positive.
The start of my mensus day one call the fertility office and I start birth control I know everyone reading this is thinking you want to get pregnant if I was still in my denial/withdraw stage this would be hard but after researching and trusting my doctor that he knows how to do this I decided that we are ready for this well I am ready for this. March 2 started birth control stayed on birth control for the whole month never missed a pill this was the easy part all I had to do is take a pill at the same time everyday.
April came along to be quite honest I dread this month I know that injections start and to let you all in on a little secret I hate needles! I knew from day one that this was going to be my challenge little did I know this was not my only challenge.
I started Lupron on April 3rd injections would not be so bad if they where not in your stomach yes a needle in my stomach. Let's just say I did not sleep well at all the start of April I was just anticipating the shots.
Jason gave me the first one on April 3rd not to bad as long as it is injected slowly we started in the evening because this needs to be given during that time well six o'clock is what we started to do on April 3rd so we had to stick with this time.
I work until nine P.M at night so I am at work during this time. I have decided to be completely open about this process because I want to look back and know that if anyone goes through infertility that they can read this and know that they are not alone you may feel like I don't understand and I might not understand what you are going through but I sympathize with everyone with infertility issues.
Jason stated well I am not coming out at six everyday after work to give you shots you will have to learn yourself well he did the shots for two days on April 5th I would give myself the shot it is harder than you think I am good with drawing up the medication but when it comes to the injection this is a fear I have I used to pass out when I saw blood or needles I would get nervous and hold my breath and end up on the floor passed out.
April 5th I did my first injection this was a Tuesday on April 6 and 7th I did my own injections when you do your own well for me I couldn't just let it go into my skin like a dart I pushed it in slowly it did not hurt as much but you could feel it going through the skin and it felt like it was getting caught it wasn't but you felt it yourself. I was a big girl I conquered my fear.
I started to notice that at night I would start getting acid reflex not sure if it is a side effect and not as bad but hot flashes and than chills my stomach seems to be a little uneasy. I decided to look online to figure out side effects and these are some of them.
Everyday Lupron and birth control pills until just barely April 9th I took my last birth control pill and now I am just on injection of Lupron.
Jason and I thought that April we would fall off the earth nothing is going to go on during this month just preparation of getting my body ready for IVF.
Taking these IVF injections kind of messes with your emotions I had a break down on Friday I was having a hard time I felt like I am the one that is doing this I felt alone I learned that my husband was with me every step of the way he came home early and spent the evening with me after talking about the issues I was having and that I was afraid of needles I did not want to continue with the injections we decided that Jason would just come to my work and give these to me this is a stress that I could not handle doing myself.
If you are going through this process I felt that I was the only one that was doing this it is my body that I had to give the injections to it was not his body. I realized at this time he is my support system he is the one that will keep me going when I want to give up he is my companion.
I will try and keep you updated and I go along with this process all Jason and I ask is that during this process that the questions be limited we are all hoping for the process to end up positive.
When we are little girls
For all the ladies out there remember when you where little and you played with dolls. It was when we where little that you knew that you had that mother instinct and that you cannot wait to fall in love and get married and have kids.
My dream started I found the love of my life we had a beautiful wedding on July 9, 2004. We did not realize that we would go through the trials of having kids but this was our trial we never prevented this from happening no birth control was being taken we decided that we are ready to have a family.
The second year of being married I was diagnosed with endometriosis I went in for a laproscopy and have had a total of two surgeries done. I had a scare with my first one with endometriosis they don't know if that is what I really had we signed over that if when the surgeon gets started with surgery and if it is worse than we hope I would have a hysterectomy.
Thank goodness this did not happen I had a couple of chocolate cysts on my right ovary. I read up on endometrosis and heard that if you get the laproscopic that usually right after you can get pregnant this never happened for us.
After a couple of years going by and doing failed attempts of IUI and clomid. I was ready to be done with fertility treatments.
My dreams where no longer to have kids I told Jason lets move and go to Hawaii where it is only us and the only thing we can see having babies are the whales and dolphins.
I live in Utah so every time you go to the local grocery store you are in line with pregnant women when you cannot get pregnant you do not want to participate in others happiness well I didn't I think this is the denial stage that I started to go through the withdraw stage.
If anyone I knew got pregnant I would throw away the invitation and cry. When others that I knew got pregnant and we all where trying at the same time I would just cry when others had the positive sign and I was still negative.
It is like getting a F in a class but your friend received an A you didn't want to admit that you could not do it.
Withdraw and bitterness set in I went through this stage for quite awhile I did not like when others said I understand. How can you understand when you can have kids. All I wanted is someone to listen not understand.
This is hard on a marriage you get married thinking that it will all work out that you will be able to have kids if wanted whenever you wanted well at least when you where a teenager your mom and dad scared you to death that when you have sex you will get pregnant.When you get married trials will test your marriage I never wish on anyone that infertility will be the trial that you have to go through.
It has been ups and downs but in the last two years I realized my husband does understand he is going through this with me he is the rock that I lean on he is the one that wipes my tears he is the arms that I run to when all I want to do is lock myself in a room. He is my eternal companion.
My dream started I found the love of my life we had a beautiful wedding on July 9, 2004. We did not realize that we would go through the trials of having kids but this was our trial we never prevented this from happening no birth control was being taken we decided that we are ready to have a family.
The second year of being married I was diagnosed with endometriosis I went in for a laproscopy and have had a total of two surgeries done. I had a scare with my first one with endometriosis they don't know if that is what I really had we signed over that if when the surgeon gets started with surgery and if it is worse than we hope I would have a hysterectomy.
Thank goodness this did not happen I had a couple of chocolate cysts on my right ovary. I read up on endometrosis and heard that if you get the laproscopic that usually right after you can get pregnant this never happened for us.
After a couple of years going by and doing failed attempts of IUI and clomid. I was ready to be done with fertility treatments.
My dreams where no longer to have kids I told Jason lets move and go to Hawaii where it is only us and the only thing we can see having babies are the whales and dolphins.
I live in Utah so every time you go to the local grocery store you are in line with pregnant women when you cannot get pregnant you do not want to participate in others happiness well I didn't I think this is the denial stage that I started to go through the withdraw stage.
If anyone I knew got pregnant I would throw away the invitation and cry. When others that I knew got pregnant and we all where trying at the same time I would just cry when others had the positive sign and I was still negative.
It is like getting a F in a class but your friend received an A you didn't want to admit that you could not do it.
Withdraw and bitterness set in I went through this stage for quite awhile I did not like when others said I understand. How can you understand when you can have kids. All I wanted is someone to listen not understand.
This is hard on a marriage you get married thinking that it will all work out that you will be able to have kids if wanted whenever you wanted well at least when you where a teenager your mom and dad scared you to death that when you have sex you will get pregnant.When you get married trials will test your marriage I never wish on anyone that infertility will be the trial that you have to go through.
It has been ups and downs but in the last two years I realized my husband does understand he is going through this with me he is the rock that I lean on he is the one that wipes my tears he is the arms that I run to when all I want to do is lock myself in a room. He is my eternal companion.
Journey of IVF Treatment
Jason and I found a fertility doctor after searching and researching we made our decision. It is a personal decision between each couple but after thinking about the journey we are about to partake I decided I want to blog what is going on daily/weekly or whenever I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
Jason and I have been married for six years we have been trying to start a family with no success we have went through the adoption process just to be scammed. After much thought Jason and I decided to start saving for IVF about a year ago and we have finally saved up enough with the help of friends,family, and even complete strangers all these people have touched us dearly.
I decided to tell about this journey through a blog so friends and family can understand what the process is of IVF.
Jason and I decided in the beginning we did not want the stress of if we do or if we do not get pregnant so this blog is just to help others understand the process I am not quite sure if I want to share the outcome on the internet just yet.
This is a way that everyone that wants to know about the journey can read our blog instead of the stress of answering questions during a stressful but exciting time.
I made my decision well Jason and I did after researching the specialist in IVF we made our decision based on our comfort and just pure gut feeling that this is the doctor. I started to share with others what we have been going through the years of trying and being disappointed. The tears of each time that I would pee on a stick and just want to see the two lines or the positive sign and each time the negative sign or one line would appear.
I hate the feeling of telling everyone bad news not just to friends and family but to my husband was the hardest. The feeling of you just want to stay locked in the bathroom but you can hear the voice on the other side of the door "So what does it say?" I learned very quickly that disappointment came with each peed on stick. I didn't realize that I would relive it with every family member and friends the same question would come up "So are you pregnant?" The answer I would have to give would sting each time it came out of my mouth.
If you have not guessed by now I hate to disappoint others and myself. I always thought you want something bad enough and either you will get it if you work hard enough and or you can save up to buy what you wanted. This is not always true sometimes there is a lesson that comes with the price you pay to get what you want and we have learned this the hard way.
Do not get me wrong I was scammed out of $20,000.00 for an adoption that never happened I went after them in a lawsuit so lawyers equal more money plus the interest on the adoption that we took out is a pretty hefty loan on our second equity of our home but we had made that decision just to have the agency file bankruptcy and guess who was included. You are correct us this equal no money and a waste of money for lawyers.
This gives you an idea of the little background we have been through. I want to go back to the best part this year 2011 and IVF.
Jason and I have been married for six years we have been trying to start a family with no success we have went through the adoption process just to be scammed. After much thought Jason and I decided to start saving for IVF about a year ago and we have finally saved up enough with the help of friends,family, and even complete strangers all these people have touched us dearly.
I decided to tell about this journey through a blog so friends and family can understand what the process is of IVF.
Jason and I decided in the beginning we did not want the stress of if we do or if we do not get pregnant so this blog is just to help others understand the process I am not quite sure if I want to share the outcome on the internet just yet.
This is a way that everyone that wants to know about the journey can read our blog instead of the stress of answering questions during a stressful but exciting time.
I made my decision well Jason and I did after researching the specialist in IVF we made our decision based on our comfort and just pure gut feeling that this is the doctor. I started to share with others what we have been going through the years of trying and being disappointed. The tears of each time that I would pee on a stick and just want to see the two lines or the positive sign and each time the negative sign or one line would appear.
I hate the feeling of telling everyone bad news not just to friends and family but to my husband was the hardest. The feeling of you just want to stay locked in the bathroom but you can hear the voice on the other side of the door "So what does it say?" I learned very quickly that disappointment came with each peed on stick. I didn't realize that I would relive it with every family member and friends the same question would come up "So are you pregnant?" The answer I would have to give would sting each time it came out of my mouth.
If you have not guessed by now I hate to disappoint others and myself. I always thought you want something bad enough and either you will get it if you work hard enough and or you can save up to buy what you wanted. This is not always true sometimes there is a lesson that comes with the price you pay to get what you want and we have learned this the hard way.
Do not get me wrong I was scammed out of $20,000.00 for an adoption that never happened I went after them in a lawsuit so lawyers equal more money plus the interest on the adoption that we took out is a pretty hefty loan on our second equity of our home but we had made that decision just to have the agency file bankruptcy and guess who was included. You are correct us this equal no money and a waste of money for lawyers.
This gives you an idea of the little background we have been through. I want to go back to the best part this year 2011 and IVF.
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